Giving Up On You
by BreatheSemperMea
Summary: One Shot, dealing with the events of season nine, but it's not season nine. I really can't say anything else without spilling any beans. I guess you just have to read it to find out )


AN: So, this took me about 20 minutes and then it was already done. I hope you guys like it.

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_Dear Arizona,_

_the day you made me your wife was the day I thought everything was finally falling into place. We've been through so much before and still made it out of it alive and I think that says a lot about us. I thought, nothing could change this, that there's nothing out there our love couldn't survive. _

_God, I was so wrong._

_I feel you slipping further and further away from me every day. Actually, no. I think the real you is already gone. I thought you were still somewhere behind that beautiful face, but all I see is anger and hurt. I know I broke my promise, that I couldn't save your leg. I know I'm the bad guy in this because I made the call. And I can really understand that you hate me. But I truly thought, you'd know I did this to save your life. I couldn't live without you. If you'd had died, I had died too. I thought, you'd rather live and see our little girl grow up instead of being dead._

_Again, I was so wrong. _

_I am sorry I put you through all of this. I really am. I am not sorry for saving your life, though. And that is something, I'll never be sorry for, because as much as you hate me right now, at least your heart is still beating. Maybe I was wrong for thinking you could forgive me, that you'd come back to me. The real you. Not the angry and mean you that you still are. I thought, if you were still able to do your job, you'd be happy to be alive. But you don't even try, do you? You think, you lost your magic because you lost your leg and as much as I tell you it's not true, you don't see it. _

_I know, the day I promised to be your wife, I signed myself up for a life with you in sickness and in health. For richer, for poorer. And I tried. God knows I tried. For you and for Sofia. Because I love you. And our little angel loves you. And we will never stop loving you. She's asking for you, do you even recognize this? She's asking for her momma, and that's you, not me. But you can't even try to live for her, can you? And I can't fight anymore. I have nothing left in me to fight for this, for our marriage, for our little family, because I have been fighting for almost a year. _

_I'm standing with my back against the wall here, Arizona. Sofia's dad, my best friend, is dead and the woman, the beautiful soul I fell in love with is dead too. And with both of you gone, I can't stay here. I can't pretend to want to come home every night just so you could sit there in silence or for a change, yell at me. I can't go over to Mark's anymore to sleep there because somebody lives there now, but I feel like I'm trapped here. _

_It's strange, but in a wicked way, you've already taught me how to live without you. I know when I'm not welcome and it's clear that you don't want me here. So, I'm giving up. I go and try to find a way without you. _

_You can accuse me of running away all you want. And maybe you are right, but I just can't do this anymore. I can't come home to my wife who doesn't love me. I can't do this to Sofia anymore. She deserves a home where she's loved and where she can be the precious little girl she is without me shushing her so she won't make you any more angry. _

_I will never take her away from you because she is your daughter just as much as mine and Mark's, but for now, I'm taking her with me. She needs all the love she deserves and so do I. But we can't stay here, because all the love that was here once, it's gone. _

_Don't think this is easy for me. It's not. I'm not just walking out like that without ever looking back. Living without you has never been easy since you walked into that damn bathroom all those years ago. It wasn't easy the first time, it sure as hell wasn't easier the second time and it's the hardest thing to do now, but I have to. To safe what's left of me, so I can be a good mom for Sofia. _

_I am so sorry, but this is goodbye. _

_Love always,_

_Calliope_

X

Sitting on the couch in the living room, her head hanging low, Arizona let the words she just read sink in. She wasn't stupid. She knew what she had done to Callie. She had been so bitter and angry and mad and most of all, depressed. First she had yelled a lot. Then she had moved on to sitting in silence, trying to block everything out. Seeing Callie walking tall with Sofia propped up on her hip had been so hard, so she avoided to be in the living room until they were gone.  
When she was done being silent, she'd yelled at Callie again. For no particular reason, just because she had been angry. She'd wished herself dead so many times, she'd lost count. She knew she had been mean and unfair. But she couldn't help herself. Every time Callie would open her mouth to say something, as lovely as it had been, she'd gotten angry instantly.

But it was so long ago.

Her hands held on tight to the letter. Her wife's beautiful handwriting was staring back at her, the words filling her brain with memories, pictures she didn't want to see anymore. As the first tear rolled down her cheek and dropped from her nose onto the paper, it smudged the inc her wife had used, making two words unreadable. The second drop found its way onto the letter, effacing more words. She wanted to save the letter, but she couldn't move. She was so caught up in her memory, she didn't even hear the front door.

"Hey, I heard you used your heelys again?", sounded the beautiful voice of her wife, making Arizona flinch. "Hey, are you okay?"

Shaking her head, the blonde looked up.

"Oh my God, what happened? Are you hurt?" Rushing over to her wife, Callie knelt down beside the woman's legs and tried to look in the blue eyes she loved so much.

Again, Arizona only managed to shake her head. Her words were just stuck in her throat.

"Arizona, baby, please tell me what happened."

"I found this", the blonde said, referring to the sheets of paper in her hands.

"What is this."

"A letter."

"From whom?"

"You."

"I never wrote a letter to you", Callie stated.

"You did. But I never got it. Until now."

The Latina gasped. She remembered. It was so many years ago, but she still remembered every word she'd written. She'd read it three times herself, telling herself she'd been doing the right thing, not the easiest, but the right thing.

"Did you mean it?"

"Arizona, it was-"

"Did. You. Mean. It?", the PEDS surgeon asked, emphasizing every single word.

"Back then, yes", she answered honestly. Why hadn't she torn the letter into very little pieces and thrown it away?

"Why didn't you pull through?"

"Because I love you", she answered with a smile. It was a simple as that. "And I couldn't break another promise."

"I was horrible", Arizona stated, still not really looking up.

"Yes you were. But you were depressed and had been through hell and back."

"No reason to treat you like I did." The blonde covered her face with her hands, ashamed of everything she'd done all those years ago.

"Hey, stop crying. Please. We've made it out of it, didn't we? You got better soon after I wrote the letter and that gave me enough hope to stick around. And we're so much better now."

They were. Arizona knew this. They had two beautiful kids. Sofia was eight years old already, a handful some times, but she'd never trade her for anything. And three year old Timothy was such a momma's boy. Still... "I don't think I can ever apologize enough for what I did to you."

"You don't have to. Just never stop loving me", Callie smiled. She didn't need much more from the blonde.

"Never", Arizona finally replied with a smile of her own, even if it was a small smile that was barely showing her dimples. "As long as you never give up on me."

"Never", the brunette reassured her, kissing her wife's forehead. "So, back to the heelys, really?"

"Yes, and it was just as amazing as ever."

**So, thoughts?**

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AN2: The title and the thoughts behind this story are from the song "Giving up on you" by Miss Montreal.

AN3: Ha, like I could ever seperate them ;)


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